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User talk:FNAFFANF
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Ghost With Red Pupils page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 23:14, January 15, 2016 (UTC) Hey! I finished the edit: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:521400 Can ya give an overview on it before I publish it? Thanks! All hail the Lich King! (talk) 11:18, January 16, 2016 (UTC) Lol yeah I live in Australia. My story is not really a newly published one, I published at the mild end of last year if I'm not mistaken. :P EmpyrealInvective (talk) 09:09, January 18, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story The story was removed for not being up to quality standards. There are quite a lot of punctuation, capitalization, wording, and story issues here. Punctuation: Punctuation missing from multiple lines of written/spoken dialogue. "“According to coworkers, he had also been very stressed over the past few weeks” the reporter covering the article stated.", "“Meow”", If you're using punctuation to continue dialogue on another line, you need to use a colon. "Once In the car I asked him,(:)" Also if there's nothing proceeding dialogue, you need to conclude it with conclusive punctuation. "“Yeah,”", "“Hey Tito! How are you doing?” I inquired(period missing)", "I pulled out my phone and turned on the flashlight, I navigated down the hall to my right to find a meowing Tito,(should be a period)" Punctuation issues cont.: Commas incorrectly used in sentences where a pause is implied. "“Hey man(,) I’m just about to head into town, can you tell me the address?”", "There was a shrine, just a white cross, it was neatly cut and nailed, but it had no name on it, which seemed odd.", "“Ooohh dude(,) that felt amazing, thank you.", "“Ok(,) I’ll explain on the way.”", etc. Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "my old friends voice". Capitalization: Improperly capitalizing words. "by his vet, He’s (he's) a flame point Siamese", "“midtown heights (Midtown Heights)”", "15 (Fifteen) minutes in (into) the drive,", "Ashley.(,)” Replied (replied) Jackson.", "your clock?” A (a) worried Jackson asked.", "“Ok, ill put the silencer", etc. Wording: Run-on sentences. "My name is Timothy Dempsey, but I’ve always been called T, I live in a rural area a little far from my town, Rico, (about a 30 minute drive), with my pet cat Tito (my little nephew tried calling me T, but it always came out Tito, so when I got a cat I thought it was a great name)." That sentence can be broken down. Redundancy issues: "I started the car up and went to my phone’s GPS but, I had naught service, I knew how to get to town from my house and I could just use the GPS from there." Avoid re-stating items/names/places multiple times after identifying them in the same sentence. Tense change issues: You are telling the story in past tense so you need to reflect this throughout your story. "I hear a loud voice.", "I yelled, ignoring the couple to my right, noticing (I noticed) them and apologizing (apologized).", "he asks me to start to slow down a little,", " he asks me to stop. He jumps out of the car with his carnation, and plants it in the ground near the cross, he then jumps back in and says to head home.", etc. Story issues: You forget to include interrupting actions in split dialogue. "“RRRREEEEERRRRR!!!!” “FFFFT!” My cat was VERY tense." I'm sorry but the story felt very rushed and there really isn't much connection between the house murder and the Jackson storyline. This feels very spread out due to the fact you have the character catching up with Jackson and living in the seemingly haunted house, but really don't tie up either event. The ending feels lackluster due to its stunted and rushed nature. The protagonist runs out of the house and then jumps/is pushed into traffic, the end. It just feels very inconclusive. All in all, there were quite a lot of issues here that really weighed down the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 09:30, January 18, 2016 (UTC) :You'd have to do a deletion appeal. I would STRONGLY suggest taking the revised version to the writer's workshop first as there are quite a few kinks to work out here and feedback is key for passing the appeal. A little note: Do not make the appeal until you are ready/have made significant changes. A majority of the appeals that have been denied in the past were due to having multiple issues (sometimes even the same issues that were originally pointed out). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 09:41, January 18, 2016 (UTC) ::You simply go to the link to the writer's workshop (see above) and give your post a title (the box labeled "Start a discussion"). Then you paste the story into the box and submit it (in the box titled "Post a new message to the Writer's Workshop"). You can use an ellipse (...) if it's within the quotations. That being said, overuse of ellipses can really weaken a story and make it seem melodramatic. ::Or if you want the pause to not be part of the dialogue, you can include it in the intervening action. For example: "If there's an intervening action," he said after a pause, "you should insert words between the dialogue that indicate a pause." Now unfortunately it's a bit late so I'm heading off to bed. Best of luck. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 09:59, January 18, 2016 (UTC) Hey! I haven't had much time recently to read your pasta, and I just saw it got deleted. I'm really sorry about it, I hope you make a new pasta or remake that one in a way that meets the standards :P BTW, someone suggested I change the ending of The Ghost With Red Pupils. You can leave your opinion here: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:523105, though I think you will like the new ending, since it explains the ghost. Well, kind of. Unholy Lord 07:46, January 26, 2016 (UTC) Thanks Thank you for the interest and the boost to my ego :D I figured the talk pages would be more convenient for us to have a conversation (with the notifications), so here I am~ I plan on going back to my older stories in the future and adding to them a bit; make them stronger. I am holding off on that for now because I have all these ideas that I want to get out there in story form. It's funny, when I started out here I wanted to write a novella or even a novel-sized pasta, but with each new release my stories end up larger than the last one. Now I just want to make short stories again so that it is easier and more convenient for people to read, but I can't. It's so odd and rather funny (granted, my humor is odd)! When you finish and post it to the Writer's Workshop, please let me know and I'd be happy to look over it and try to help out :D Oh, I don't think you are bad with Wiki coding! I'm sort of a cheater on it. I came from another Wiki (eight years there) where I observed other users use some coding that was commonplace there, but doesn't seem to be here (I am quite blind and might be missing it though). With links you can just put them inside these two brackets [], so: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_talk:FNAFFANF and it will be shortened on the final page, like this: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_talk:FNAFFANF. I'm not trying to push that on you or anything, but I thought you might find that useful or something you'd want to use in the future based upon your comment :D[[User:Doom Vroom|'Buckle up!']] [[User talk:Doom Vroom| I'm going to be popular]] 03:37, November 6, 2016 (UTC) :Mhm. You might consider abandoning it in favor of something new (or a complete rewrite) if you aren't feeling it as well. Some see scrapping projects as a waste of time, but is it really? Knowledge is gained in terms of writing and your imagination gets stimulated, some ideas can be salvaged and put to better use elsewhere often enough, too. I'm not trying to discourage you, just making a suggestion in case you aren't feeling the story. If you are feeling it, then definitely go all in and capture that story :D :The way around that is to let it sit for a while after it is finished and then look at it again. Stephen King lets his works sit in a drawer for 6 months before looking at them again and sometimes revises things. Gotta let that honeymoon period come to an end and then re-examine your stor(ies)y , otherwise you might look at it later after release and go, "Gah! What was I thinking?" On the other hand, we aren't putting things out in print, so we can change them at any time. However, I think wild changes to a story after release are rather bad as people could be fans of it, but then not like it because it gets wildly changed and that's unfair to them, in my opinion. I'm rooting for you! Happy writing :3 [[User:Doom Vroom|'Buckle up!']] [[User talk:Doom Vroom| I'm going to be popular]] 22:14, November 8, 2016 (UTC)